Live the Life You Were Meant to Achieve
I was giving a presentation and as I said these words, I first said "live the life we were meant to live" and it didn't sit right with me. Words have a lot of meaning and power and we can feel that when we pay attention to it. I thought about it and I reworded it to say "live the life we were meant to achieve". Our lives were not meant to be an easy Disney cruise for example, we were meant to learn and grow. There is a scripture that really resonated with me when I was younger and struggling to figure out why some hard things had happened to me in my childhood, and instead of feeling like a broken person, it empowered me to achieve greater things, because that is what we are meant to do with hard circumstances. The scripture says "...Thou knowest the greatest of God and He will consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain".
This line gave me hope that our afflictions are actually meant to be for our gain if we choose to learn from them instead of be wounded by them. As women we have such an innate power within us to tap into our emotions and face the challenges of life with honor and resiliency. Our honor is our self-worth. There is no reason whatsoever that we should not feel worthy and valued. Though the world and people in it may degrade women or belittle them, why is their opinion more true than your own? It is not, and the moment we believe that, we take back our power.
I had always thought I'd be married by my mid-twenties for sure, and when that passed, it started to stir some questions in myself, then my late twenties passed and it boiled up even more fears and false beliefs of inadequacy and worth. So you can imagine when in my thirties I was still single and literrally went through a total self-identity crisis of having to redefine myself, my perceptions, and most of all it forced me to actually truthfully re-value myself because I had nothing to hide behind anymore.
When I ask myself "what is the life I was meant to achieve", I am able to say that it is the path I have always been on, and I am living the life I was meant to achieve. There is no reason to not love yourself, so in simple terms, stop the mean voices. Just stop, don't analyze, don't evaluate, just stop and give yourself permission to love who you are and the path you are meant to be on.
As a therapist working with young teenage girls, no matter their background, this was my major focus in sessions was self-love and worth. It is the core to resiliency and coping with challenges. I had a girl who had been abused sexually and had given into the belief that she was worthless. As I sat there and asked her to share the qualities that made her unique and valuable, she just kept her head down, shaking it as if answering that she had none, and cried. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with her for months, but the interesting thing was she voluntarily continued to come and see me, it gave her hope that she was of worth, that just maybe because I believed in her, that it might be true. I remember the day I saw her first smile. We were in session and I got her talking about something she had done in school that she felt good about, and she smiled. This was tremendous progress and eventually her depression lightened up, she allowed hope and belief back in her mind and that is where it all begins. A seed can't grow unless you nourish it, and some take a longer time to sprout, but the key is to consistently nourish it, whether it be for your own client, maybe a child, or maybe it is yourself, providing nourishment is better than neglect.
"Whether you believe you can or you can't, you are right either way" so why not believe? It feels better and we are meant to achieve great things in this life.